A Tender Goodbye to Sherry, by Haley Teh Cat

Once upon a time there was a beautiful cat named Haley and she lived in a one-cat household, and she was...

Due to the weak and despicable nature of her original servants, she was brought to a shelter, and went to from being the ruler of all she surveyed, to being a number. A number!

I am that cat, and this is my story.

At the shelter I was forced to unleash my Great and Terrible powers

and was successfully released to a smaller shelter where I had to live with...

the wild things.

With much persuading, and by my innate photogenic qualities

I was passed on to an unwitting foster lady.

This was not my end goal, however. There was a disgusting number of dogs and cats in this house.

When lady's daughter came to visit, I sensed in her a cat-only lover, and this time unleashed my Awesome Power to Charm. ("Ooh I'm defenseless! Get me out of here!")

Needless to say this fool talked her foolish mate into adopting me, and flew me thousands of miles to her home.

Her SMALL home. Where there were already TWO OTHER CATS.

Well.

This could not be. There can only be One Cat to Rule Them All:

I tried unleashing My Great and Terrible powers and demanded they get rid of the other cats or find me a better home. But the two idiots *loved* and *accepted me as I was.* So I tried unleashing my Awesome Power to Charm. The idiots thought this meant I was finally settling in.

I drove the Striped One to pee EVERYWHERE.

But still they would not get rid of him. I picked the most EVIL BATTLES with the White One. Still no response except to incarcerate me more and more in a small room.

I bided my time. I deigned to play with the Striped One and flattered him by asking him to teach me how to jump and catch moths. Soon I learned what I needed to know--he had a weak heart. It was nothing to replace his heart medication with sugar pills, and after much patience the Striped One was gone. I did miss him a little, for even the heir to the universe likes a playmate, but he was too loved by the idiots. He could not stay.

Since October I have been able to focus all my powers on the elusive White One. The one with the power, the... Top Cat.

How I chafed and fumed under his reign of terror--the way he took the best nap spots, and beat me when playing with the cat dancer toy. But I turned those games against him by irradiating his cat dancer, leading to a final diagnosis of cancer.

Who's dancing now biatch!

Soon, very soon, it will all be over.

I shall finally move from being...

Princess of Quite A Lot

to

Queen of Everything.

White Cat, you were a worthy foe.

...but there's a new sheriff in town.

These songs are dedicated to you, old man.

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again


I am the best
I seem to stand out from the rest
My intention's
To be more than an honorable mention


stay off my back
or I will attack
and you don't want that


I'm a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, Gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

(I'd say "see you in heaven" ...but we all know I'll be somewhere warmer.)

Sherry in 2006

There's lots of pics that year...

PLAYING

with camera cap

 with Nombly

with Gilby Oxford tennis ball

with Nombly & string

with ?

with Mahmmy. This is the back of a bookcase. He'd sit inside, and I'd sit outside and we'd play through the holes.

with Nombly's fave toy, the tiger tail

with the Barbie Fun Van

with Mother's suitcase

with the tunnel of love

CUDDLING

neck pulls

ear rubs

neck scratch

head scratch

HANGIN'

with Swis the Pink Haired Warrior Gnome

with Minotaur & Strawberry Shortcake

with sleeping Fernando, and Nombly

with Mabel

with Mabel's vegetarian dinner (nom nom caaarbs)

in a small box

after another Fernando haircut (most cats would be humiliated, but Sherry hates cleaning his long fur. He was always spritely after a daddy-hack-job.)

playing peekaboo

 with Nombly (the peaceful days before Halzebub arrived)

watching bugs with Satan

détente in the Meowee East (notice the book in the right front corner?)

bookends

chillaxing

Sherry-baby, can you come out tonight?

So Mr. Bones isn't much worse, but he isn't better either. If the prednisone had made him a bit more active, or eating on his own, then we'd probably put off the euthanasia a little longer. But I'm afraid of how much pain he's in, cause cats are very stoical about these things, and we'd rather do this before hitting a crisis--like when Nombly's lungs suddenly filled with fluid.

I have two girlfriends whose boyfriends "have a friend who knows someone" who can do it for us at home, but Fernando's not comfortable with that. So we'll just try to make it happen as quick as we can--he'll make some calls tomorrow. Unfortunately our vet is on vacation. I really trust her because she put Nombly down, so I know she won't botch it (there are blogs devoted to bad vets--horrible). But Delyriam used to be with one of the other vets at the same place, and all the technicians are wonderful, so I'm sure anyone will do.

Sherry still comes to be fed, and still purrs. But his life consists of sitting on the bath mat and having liquidy food shot at him. Better to stop before it gets less dignified! Plus the week after next I have to go to two days of leadership training, so I'll be gone the same hours as Fernando. And we're afraid of leaving him alone too long, in case there's a crisis and he's in pain for hours before someone finds him.

I do seem to be writing about this all a lot. Well, it's all I think about, so I have a lot to process by end of day. Oh la oh la. Is there a song for killing your cat? How about "Break It to Me Gently"? It's how my Kleenex box and I feel right about now.

Break it to my gently
So my tears won't fall too fast
If you must go, then go slowly
Let me love you to the last



I love being at a job where my co-workers are so kind, though. I know I can switch shifts around to accommodate the kitty and the vet visits, and they ask how I'm doing, and one manager offered to bring us to pick Sherry up, or to drive him when he takes His Last Drive; and today my boss, who I hadn't seen all week, immediately expressed his sympathy and told me to take off as much time as I need. Working with such nice and compassionate people is certainly one of the reasons many of us find it hard to leave this job. I guess that's my *bit of awesome* amongst this sad experience.

And Fernando and I seem to finally be on the same page, so that's a little easier. ;-)

I can't believe we'll only have one cat! As Midnightstreet said, what will I do with all my time? If a cat fight breaks out in the forest, and Mabel isn't around to hear, does anyone get scratched?

Oh, and -- I had a mini scare last night. I kneeled down to feed Sherry on the bathroom floor, and saw these teeny-tiny little black bugs, with hopping capability, near the base of the toilet. I went off to research and realized they might be fleas! Noooo! The last thing my Bones needs is to be itchy!!

I studied them closely but their bodies looked elongated, not diamond shaped, with little antennae, and a sticky bit at the bottom (the furcula). And they were easy to kill, whereas fleas are sort of hard-bodied and apparently hard to squash. Plus Haley hasn't been scratching at all, and I couldn't see anything suspicious amongst Sherry's white hair and pink skin.

So I believe they're springtails--which people think are fleas because they hop, but they don't eat mammal blood. PHEW. Went to bed late cause I couldn't rest until I had (a) killed them, and (b) reassured myself.

Oh, Sherry - still holding on

Home home on the bathroom rug...

Little living room hideaway

The Look he gave me last night when I was crying.

Safe in the cat carrier with his blanky.

Mr Bones has been quite lethargic since his vet visit. Poor guy his belly was shaved for the sonogram. When Nombly had an ultrasound it was just his heart, so just a small patch under the armpit was shaved. But Sherry hates being touched on the belly, and he had the whole thing shaved! Oh la.

I was feeling discouraged, but when Fernando opened a can of chicken soup for himself Sherry emerged from his fave spot on the bathroom rug. He licked a little from a spoon, but then I had to give him a syringe feeding. I used to make sure he was taking a certain amount, but now I just leave him free to get up when he wants, usually after about 4 squirts.

He later came and sat on the couch between us, watched Burn Notice and had some cuddles. Coming out to see me used to always mean he wanted food (he likes to eat in small increments) so when he comes out, I give him a few syringe squirts.

And he came again when I opened the last can of tuna. (Those stupid cans of tuna!)

Here's a scale for deciding a pet's quality of life and whether to euthanize:


Quality of life scale
Pawspice care is not a substitute for euthanasia and it is up to the pet owners to make the difficult decision when the quality of life becomes unacceptable for their pet. Many pet owners feel conflicted about euthanizing their pet and almost all will struggle with the question "How do I know it's time?". The following quality of life scale may help you evaluate some of the issues that are difficult to face and objectively evaluate. Each issue can be graded from 0 to 10 (10 being best) and generally speaking, a score above 5 on most of these issues is typically acceptable for maintaining a pet on the Pawspice program.

Hurt (0-10)
Does your pet appear to be in significant pain despite pain management regimen? Adequate pain control is of utmost importance to maintain your pet's comfort, and pain medication can be administered orally, via skin patches or injections. For more information, please see the Cancer Pain Management section. Pet owners also need to be trained to monitor the pet's breathing patterns, as being able to breath is ranked at the top of the pain scale in human medicine.

Hunger (0-10)
Does your pet get adequate nutrition? Pets can develop malnutrition quickly if their care takers are not educated about the minimum caloric requirements. Before considering the placement of a feeding tube, pet owners are encouraged to hand feed their pets with special, tasty foods such hamburgers, turkey, chicken, sausages, cheeses, etc. You can also try to feed your pet small portions but more frequently or try to blend the food to make it soft and easier to swallow. You can also try to use a syringe to squirt the blended food to the side of the pet's mouth. For more information, please see the Nutritional Management section.

Hydration (0-10)
Does your pet get adequately hydrated? Every pet should consume certain amount of fluids per day (10mL of fluid per pound per day) and proper hydration can have a substantial effect on the quality of your pet's life. If your pet is not getting properly hydrated on its own, administration of subcutaneous fluids is an excellent way to supplement fluid intake. Pet owners can be trained on how to do this procedure properly at home without having to go to the hospital every time.

Hygiene (0-10)
Can your pet get properly cleaned and brushed? Some pets, especially those with oral cancer, can't keep themselves clean, and the owners need to take special care to clean their pets' face, paws, and legs with a soft sponge soaked with very dilute solution of lemon juice and hydrogen peroxide.

Happiness (0-10)
Can your pet still experience some moments of happiness and joy? Does your pet still interact with family members? Is (s) he responsive to surroundings and petting? Does (s)he respond to his/her favorite toy? Does (s)he have a fun routine activity to look forward to? Does (s)he show signs of depression and apathy? Pets communicate these feelings via their eyes, purring, wagging their tail, jumping, etc and pet owners are the only ones who can make these observations since they spend the most time with their pets.

Mobility (0-10)
Can your pet move around on his/her own? If not, is medication, a harness, a sling, or a cart helpful in improving the pet's mobility? If the pet is largely immobilized, is the bedding soft and is there a schedule in place to change the position of the pet at least as often as every 2 hours? The mobility scale seems to differ from one pet owner to another as well as from one pet to another. While this will be a largely personal decision, pet owners should keep in mind that their pet's comfort and pain-free life should always be the top priority.

More good days than bad days
Does your pet experience more good days than bad days? Have there recently been many bad days in a row? Are the bad days filled with experiences such as vomiting, nausea, diarrhea, falling down, seizures, progressive weakness? Does your pet show apathy to favorite activities and toys?

Sherry in 2005

Covered in catnip

Enjoying the morning

Swissgirl calls this one: Sherry just after he killed his red brother.

Cuddling

A wrestling match with a yellow highlighter

My Sherry Amour

Sherry & Fernando - 2005
(Mutual admiration society? Look how pleased they both seem!)

I took Sherry to the specialist vet today, and had to leave him there while they did tests--a urinalysis, x-rays, and sonogram of his abdomen. The doctor called me at work around 5 PM with the results, and of course it's cancer. Basically worst case scenario, but also one I'd expected.

I wrote notes of what she told me, but they're shoved in a pocket in my work vest, so I'm not sure how good my recall is. I think he has numerous small tumours in his internal organs--the liver I think, and maybe the kidneys. They can't know what sort of cancer unless they do more tests. The release papers say: Disseminated neoplasia, abdominal and pleural effusion.

He had fluid built up in his abdomen, so she removed some of that. She said they could send it for testing, and it might show what sort of cancer it is. But she also said that she consulted the oncologist who said this sort of diffused cancer doesn't respond well to chemo. It's not like something localized to one spot, where they could do surgery and then chemo the rest. At this point it's only about palliative care. So I told her not to test the fluid--there's no point.

He has a little fluid in his lungs too, which worries me. Nombly died because of such an accumulation, and he was really distressed. I wouldn't want it to go that far.

The tests and consultation were very expensive, but I don't mind. All I wanted was a clear answer, and a clear path. She's prescribed him prednisone, and asked us to call her in a week to see how he's doing. She seemed to think that's about all he's going to last at this point.

I don't want to see him get worse to the point that he's really in pain and miserable--I'm hoping we can sort of catch it a step before, and choose to euthanize him at that point. I asked her what to look for, how we would know. I was thinking more along the lines of physical symptoms--but in any case, those are listed on his release papers, and in the reading I've done. If his gums get too pale then he might be bleeding internally. Same with if we see blood in his stool or anywhere. If he starts vomiting. Gets weaker. Etc.

But she answered more in the sense of choosing when to euthanize. She said it's hard to be objective, so my husband and I should list the five things Sherry likes to do most, and then look at whether he's able to do them anymore.

Kind of an interesting exercise. You know when to pull my plug when (1) I can't read books (or listen to audio books); (2) can't enjoy music; (3) can't write stories; ... what else? Debate people? Have no friends, close family, companions left?

I actually made such a list for Sherry, back in March, though not with such a sinister purpose.

Things Sherry likes:
- softies over crunchies
- toys that jump and fly about
- a good run after he uses the facilities
- freshly cleaned pillow cases (Apparently. Today I tossed two clean pillow cases on the bed, and he went straight to them and slept there all day.)
- scratches and fur-pulls from the armpits upwards
- carbs (but he can't tolerate them--so he's a cat with long bumhair, who gets diarrhea once a week)

* He can still enjoy pillow cases and scratches. He can have as many muffins as he wants, but I don't know if he'll recover some appetite with the prednisone. And he does get softies but, um, from a syringe. Not really the same thing. But as for chasing toys and tearing through the apartment after a crap, those days are gone my friend.

Oops, almost made myself cry again. My mood is so up and down, the downs catch me off guard. Poor Maewitch, who's a best friend but also a coworker, had to witness my first ever at-work cry today. The vet was telling me all this stuff, and all I could think was "mustnotcrymustkeepittogether" but it was a losing battle. I could barely speak my last few words to the vet, and broke down when I got off the phone. Bless her little softy heart, Mae gave me a hug, but when I turned around she had tears in her eyes! I told her she had to stop or I wouldn't be able to recover. I asked her to make me laugh. Which she did, by offering to phone her boyfriend who, she said, probably had a cancer joke or two up his sleeve. Complete Meltdown averted.

Uh oh, I think my crying is disturbing Bones again. He just popped his head up from the basket. Sorry Sherry. Keep it together, Mabel. lol He was giving me an evil stare over the edge of the basket. Luckily I had my camera handy--I'll post the pic tomorrow. But now it's 5:20 AM and I should take my pills and head bedwardly. If I can't sleep, I've got two good books to work with. And if that fails, I asked Mae to lend me a TV series on DVD so I can brainveg.

Sigh. Prince was right--the beautiful ones hurt you every time. And all cats are beautiful! #@$%!