Dear dear

Inspired by this site, the Betties wrote a bunch of Dear ___ letters recently. Here's a handful of them, but they were all funnee.

Dear trees,
Please stop spooging on me. It’s gross.
Sincerely,
The Car

Dear Mom,
I gave him the milk for free and he bought me anyway. You were totally wrong.
Love,
The Cow

Dear Tiny Parrot,
Seriously?!?! That was half your body weight!
Sincerely,
The Pooped-On Carpet

Dear Cat,
Yes, I love you, too. Now get off my keyboard.
Sincerely,
The Laptop

Dear Butt
I love you, but I need more space. It’s not you, it’s me. I need to breathe. Just a short break, maybe 15 minutes or so.
Love
Couch

Dear Robins–
It’s rained for four days straight– you know what that means!!! Worm buffet on me! All you can eat:).
Sincerely,
The Driveway

Dear Phone.
Stop ringing every time I have to pee. I’ve got needs, too.
Full Bladder

Dear Bed,
You’re really making it hard for me to be successful at my job.
Sincerely,
Alarm Clock

Dear Death,
HA!
SIncerely,
Lyle  [the very sick dog who doesn't believe he's going to die]




Dear homework,
No, I will not spend all night doing you. I’m not that kind of girl.
Sincerely,
me

Dear Daughter
Please stop doing the pee pee dance, just as I sit down to dinner,
Love
Your mother