Fear me and my authorial powers

Today I found out there's a town in California called Cressy, which is, like, a beaut of a coincidence for my upcoming novel.

Coincidence? Or are my powers at plotting becoming so strong that the world is starting to conform to my desires? This is what I told Fernando as we waited at the bus stop, off to buy groceries.

At the grocery store, we were waiting in line. It was quiet (9 PM in an already sleepy store). We all seemed to be waiting for the cashier who'd disappeared.

I said to Fernando: "It was quiet in the grocery store that night. ...Too quiet. Where had Sally the Cashier gone? One minute she was there, and the next--no one could find her. And then... the lights went out! A shot rang in the dark! And a pirate ship loomed on the horizon."

About 30 seconds after I said this there was a power failure and the lights went out.

Sometimes I scare even myself.

Was it good for you?

Okay, I'm obsessed. This is rubbernecking at its worst, and I can't stop.

The reviews are coming in about the book we had a big launch for, at work--Breaking Dawn. While some fans loved it, many of the 4-5 star ratings on indigo and amazon say something like "Well, it's what I expected" (ooh such praise!) and then there's a wealth of people who are utterly disgusted with it. They think the characters changed, the writing is inferior to the rest of the series (which wasn't great to begin with), and there are too many kooky and creepy plot twists. There is a lot of disappointment out there (and a "return the book!" movement on amazon.)

This picture says it all:

Ouch!
Even though I've only read the first book of the story, I'm fascinated by the train wreck. I'd like to say that I'm fascinated because I'm jealously enjoying the downfall of a super-popular author (Stephenie Meyer is my age), but alas no.

Of course, I used to be envious of her. Who (at least in the pop-book world) wouldn't want a book so popular that bookstores hold exciting launch parties for it! But I feel bad for all the people who loved the series, and have been really let down. When the last Harry Potter book came out I was quite excited about it, and if it had turned out to be a total piece of crap I would have been SO disappointed and frustrated.

I've only had two experiences like this. (a) The last chapter of Power of One, which is ridiculously AWFUL. When I recommend the book to customers I warn them to consider the book over before they reach it. The entire book is about finding inner strength when terrible things are happening to you... and then the book ends with a physical showdown between the hero and his old bully tormentor. "Aww fuck this inner strength shit. Kapow!"

(b) After reading and loving Johnny Got His Gun, I read an unfinished book by the author called Night of the Aurochs. It was horrifying and revolting (basically written from the POV of a sociopathic Nazi--really, not a character I wanted to inhabit.) Maybe I would have handled it better if I read it in later years (I was maybe 16), but at the time it creeped me right out and I remember throwing it down the garbage chute of my apartment when I was done with it.

But at least it wasn't badly written. It sounds like (without having read it myself) Stephenie Meyer wrote Breaking Dawn in a damn hurry. Maybe her publisher was pressuring her? I don't know. People are describing it as bad fan fiction. Here are some random comments:

"My heart throbs and hurts for all of the talented and creative writers how can't get so much as a short story published; while this woman can go ahead and vomit onto a page of paper and instantly sell millions of copies."

"Is this seriously the real book or is the author pranking us?"

"I read the spoilers ahead of time and even though I found them highly amusing, a small part of me wanted them to be fake, even if I ended up with egg all over my face for it."

"Bella gets everything, which isn't necessarily bad but she gets everything in the most disturbing and inappropriate way."

"I honestly would have stopped reading this book except I was curious to see how much more bizarre it could get."

I strongly suspect this is going to become one of those books that people read out loud to each other for a good laugh. ...Hell, I want to read it for a good laugh! Maybe when it's out in Bargain for $9.99. (I remember the huge ado about Bridges of Madison County, and then the customer I met a couple years later who bought all of Waller's books so she and her buddies could have parties where they sat and read him out loud and laughed. Let's just say... you'd have trouble doing that with The English Patient, which was also a huge sensation.)

Anyway, I'm over my Stephenie Envy. If you're an author, and you can create a world that people want to live in, characters that people absolutely adore, a love story that people feel passionately about--that's incredibly special. You can't plan that, you can't teach that--you just have the right words at the right time (and if you're really talented/lucky, you might have the right words for all time, like a Tolkien.) And it's like she's taken this magic power and just wasted it! The Force is with her, and she's using it to feed pears to Padme.

Writing still requires craft. I mean, you still have to put some work into it. You can't just play emo music and picture romantic scenes in your head and get all swept away by the fantastico-ness of your own genius writing. I've written scenes before that I thought were terribly romantic, but when I read them back without the benefit of background music... I saw they needed work. ;-) Editing! It's called editing! And taking your time! And making sure your book is the best thing it can possibly be! For heaven's sake, your fans will wait longer than a year for your sequel, there's no need to rush. If they're going to slap down forty bucks for your book, it's your duty to make it as great as possible.

To be fair, Meyer was never a writer before Twilight, and she'll presumably get better in the future. Her first book did pour out of her in that listening-to-emo-music-magical-way so maybe she thinks writing every book should be like that. I've written maybe three stories in my life that came to me like that, but in general writing is work.

And I do feel sorry for her, because if she does care about her fans this much (she's admitted to pouring over the web boards) she must be a wee bit upset over the reactions pouring in.

I may never even published, and I may never have a book that more than 10 people (my family, my friends) read--but if I am published, dear Lord Above may I always remember the Lesson of Stephenie: Writing isn't masturbation. It's not about 20 sweaty orgasmic minutes at the keyboard, pouring out your unedited fantasies.

...Unless you're writing erotica.

...But probably not even then.

...Maybe if you're writing Letters to Penthouse.

*

"[My fans] count on me to be a fast writer, with a once-a-year release schedule, which, you know, isn't entirely fair. I mean, how long did they give J.K. Rowling? [Laughs] She gets a good couple of years between her books, and [Eragon author] Christopher Paolini gets two or three, too. But I know fans want [the new books], and you wanna give them what they want."