The Story of Me: In Quizzes

No year is complete without taking a personality quiz or two...

(Of course, this doesn't express reality so much as my perception of myself.)

Oscar Clothes

I didn't watch the Oscars, cause I haven't seen any of the movies, but I always check out the clothes after. My fave was definitely Miley Cyrus. What a gown. I was going to post some of the other Oscar dresses I liked, but nothing else wowed me. (Except Mickey Rourke's pendant: A pic of his recently departed pooch.)

Instead, here are other gowns by this designer, Lebanese Zuhair Murad. A lot of it is definitely Art Nouveau inspired, which is one of my FAVE costume art periods (see the header pics on all my blogs!)

When I worked at a smaller store, my coworkers and I played Oscar Wear Game which consists of two questions. (1) What would you wear to the Oscars if it had to come from your current wardrobe? (2) What would you wear to the Oscars if you could go buy something, but on a limited budget (that is to say... working at a mall bookstore.)

Cats do love their exercise equipment

For awhile Nombly's been spraying the cardboard covering the treadmill. Of course, once the smell was there, it kept attracting him to spray it again. We finally threw it out, and I covered the tread with a thick sheet. And now he's gone back to what he used to do, back in the day... lounge on it.

So now I suspect that the peeing campaign was just to make me get rid of the cardboard and give him back his lounging spot. Curses! Those clever cats.

I'd better get to bed

...Though I did have a nap around midnight. Still, our cold and flu level is getting high, and look at the towns closing in on us! Sherbrooke! Trois-Rivieres! Chicoutimi! Eep!

Not that I've been following the flu tracker report... I can tell from sick calls at work, status updates on facebook, and the lack of ginger ale in stores.

yay yay yay

Someone finally posted Measha Brueggergosman's interpretation of Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now" on youtube. Yay yay yay. I loves the youtubes. Yays.

Now I must go zamzar it, since she hasn't seen fit to release it as a single!

(If you care to see it, it's on my Tea Scone blog. It's all opera-jazz-orchestral-Mitchelly. Crayzy!)

Nombly likes to sit and hear how Fernando's shift went

I am the master of lost objects once again!

Having grown up with a perpetually messy room, I've always been good at finding lost objects. (Useful when you marry someone who always misplaces his things.) But my confidence was shaken when I lost my glasses.

I need my glasses to see far away, so I used to wear them a lot--watching TV, at lectures, or even at work to quickly read the titles on higher book shelves. But my glasses sometimes trigger my headaches, or if I have a headache they will make them worse. That's been the case since my headaches started in my 20s. As the headaches got worse, I wore them less and less (just as I progressed from wearing ponytails, to pigtails, to barettes, and now I can't wear even a bobby pin in my hair).

That summer I "remerched" my apartment, moving all sorts of things around, and around that time my glasses disappeared. So I assumed that I had accidentally packed them away in some box or other and would eventually come across them.

I've been searching for the darn things for almost two years... mostly so I can start watching foreign films again! But though it seems to me I've been through every box, nook, cranny in the apartment, they didn't show.

Buying a new pair isn't the end of the world as Fernando has insurance. But getting an eye exam is a bore, because my prescription rarely changes; and picking out glasses takes time; and I really liked my last pair; and they're not worn out or broken or out of fashion so there's no REASON to get new ones. But I was about to bite the bullet and make the trip to Lunetterie.

It finally occurred to me tonight that, in my assumption of the Apartment Remerch Theory, I overlooked the Classic Missing Item Areas. Areas I should have checked ages ago. Like jacket pockets. (I never put my glasses *away* -- they always went into backpack pockets or coat pockets.) So just now I went to the front closet and picked my way to the back, looking for any jackets I might now wear often. And came across my jean jacket, which I don't like the cut of. And there they were. In the pocket.

I'm writing a full, long posting about this because I am SOOOO excited. I HATE an unsolved mystery, and this one was driving me BANANAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to run out to the library and rent subtitled movies! I want to drive a car! I want to sit here and read the book titles on my shelves (though I know most of them by sight.)

But I've got one of my headaches lingering at the edge of the Tylenols w/ Codeine I've been taking... and I'm already listening to music under my headache-causing-headphones... so the glasses will have to wait.

I'm so excited! Ohhh it's the little things in life.

those computers do love their shoes!

Those computers that dump crap in the comment field of blogs are getting less original. Usually I get comments like "Interesting point!"

This time my sites got hit with a list of shoe store sites. Only one was in the usual comical vein:

It seems my language skills need to be strengthened, because I totally can not read your information, but I think this is a good BLOG
jordan shoes

Where is my cookiiiiies??????

Well... the Valentine's marketing has gotten to me. No, Fernando and I never do anything for V Day. But I just spent the entire evening tidying and refilling cookies and chocolates. I want cookies toooooo!

I'm flipflopping again!

more compy cleanup

I'm fixing up my old computer for my sister in law. She has a bulky PC. I don't know that my old iMac is faster, but it's gotta be cuter! I reinstalled Panther, and now I'm reinstalling the Panther update. Wanted it to be fresh and clean! Like having a new computer! I think she mostly wants it for uploading photos, so it just needs some memory space.

It's too much trouble to connect it to my internets, so I'm just downloading things on my laptop, and transferring them over.

She doesn't have internet connection right now, so I'm downloading her some cute pics she might like, for her desktop of icons.

It was my first new computer. I bought it with my bonus that year, when I was a manager. Many mooooons ago. It is still all blue and cute.

Meanwhile Haley is sleeping in the plastic toilet paper bag. It's her favourite kind of bag to sit in, because it's all crinkly, but it's see-through so she can spy on the room. Everytime I empty a toilet paper bag I give it to her and she immediately crawls in.

an about face!

Uh oh. I'm changing gears again. Eeeeeps!

The book I have ready, I originally planned for Harlequin Romance, and as such wouldn't need an agent. Then I read, well, you should have an agent anyway even for category romance. So I thought, alright I'll go that route--maybe there are other category lines (in other companies) that I don't know about, plus it's always better to have someone to do the negotiation for you.

But I've just read some advice (by published Harlequin authors, or authors with agents) that is pushing me back in the other direction--to submit directly to Harlequin. They don't negotiate with unknown authors anyway, so you don't really need an agent. Plus if that's the only place to submit to, then the agent has nothing to do for you unless you've got another title ready to go. Which I don't.

Hmph!

So it's back to square one. Not that I've wasted my time, I still want an agent at some point. I'll finish up my agent listing.

Man, I've flip flopped back and forth on this a couple times. Time to commit! Move on!

A brilliant theme for a conference!

what i be doing with my time

These days I'm spending my spare time researching agents who represent romance, listing them all in my Scrivener program file, rating them by how interested I am in them, writing little notes about who they rep/their philosophy/their success etc., and also listing them according to whether they accept e-solicitations, and whether they want just a query, or query & outline, or query, outline and chapters. (I brushed up on Scrivener's many features before I started, to help me out.)

I've got 23 so far. I lurv Scrivener--SO useful. Don't know how I ever wrote a school paper without it.





And I lurv this website of agent listings--the best I've found so far.

http://www.agentquery.com

You can sort out just the AAR agents, who are almost-definitely legit. After that, the only ones I find *suspect* are those who don't list the works/authors they rep! (Just one so far, and sure enough she's seen as a bit suspect by Preditors and Editors.)

I also sort out the ones who rep romance, and then--if they have a web site--I research more about them, the sorts of things they rep, the personalities of the agents. Man... this is so much better than The Olden Days. Not to mention there are SO many agents and editors with blogs, there's a never ending flow of advice and you can get answers to any question imaginable (and things I'd never heard satisfactorally addressed before, despite all the writing books I've read.)

As I research I'm also noting and buying authors who look popular, but also interesting to me (or similar to me), to get a better feel for the market. Right now I'm reading a romance where the hero is a dragon. (It's not as creative as it could be, but it's cute.) Working in a large format bookstore for 11 years has already given me a good impression of every genre out there, but because I read in every genre (mysteries, thrillers, science fiction, fantasy, literary, historical, teen, romance, a smattering of horror and of course non-fiction... I only haven't read westerns, and the only High Fantasy I've read is Tolkien) I'm a generalist rather than a specialist. I've got to increase my romance reading.

It took my years to pick a genre to write in, but I finally decided romance is actually the broadest. As long as you have a love story in there, you can write sci-fi, fantasy, horror, mystery, historical, contemporary, funny or serious. And having a romance as a common denominator is easier than having futuristic science, or dragons, or magic, or a murder as the common denominator. It's the only factor that isn't really genre-specific, since most humans experience a romantic relationship of some kind.

So I'm enjoying myself. Here's my fave author photo so far:


Plus I get to listen to tons of music while I work. Weee! "Light it up everybody light it up!"

More bug cooooolness

OH MY GOD bugs and animals etc. are sooooo interesting.

I was just reading about the Asian giant hornet (it's as big as a human thumb) which love to invade honeybee houses and steal the larvae (to feed their own larvae... sick!) Check this out: (from wiki)

a single hornet can kill as many as 40 honey bees per minute thanks to their large mandibles which can quickly strike and decapitate a bee. It takes only a few of these hornets a few hours to exterminate the population of a 30,000-member hive, leaving a trail of severed insect heads and limbs

BUT. While European honeybees get killed off because they haven't developed a defense against these hornets, the Japanese honeybees have a chance to hold their own if they detect the hornet's "pheremonal hunting signals." Check THIS out:

When the honey bees detect these pheromones, a hundred or so will gather near the entrance of the nest and set up a trap, keeping it open apparently to draw the hornet further into the hive or allow it to enter on its own. As the hornet enters the nest, a large mob of about five hundred honey bees surrounds it, completely covering it and preventing it from moving, and begin quickly vibrating their flight muscles. This has the effect of raising the temperature of the honey bee mass to 47 °C (117 °F). The honey bees can just about tolerate this temperature, but the hornet cannot survive more than 46 °C (115 °F), so it dies. Often several bees perish along with the intruder, but the death of the hornet scout prevents it from summoning reinforcements which would wipe out the colony.

WTF! A giant honeybee ball of heat! How interesting is that! If bees don't bother you, check out the photo.

(And everyone mocks the Ewoks for being able to kill Imperial soldiers. Hmph!)

buggies!

Do you ever have a web site, or type of web site, that you just can't escape... and you come back to, like, once a year?

For me it's bug identification sites. Whenever I find a new bug in my home, I wonder what it is and what it's eating and why it's hanging around, and I end up googling until I find a likely candidate. I always end up on What's That Bug (and similar sites) and can't get away! It's all creepy and fascinating. I admire all these bug lovers who write in.

Oh oh... I see they have a "Worst Bug Story" page. I feel it sucking me in! Ahhhhh...... I once spent a whole afternoon reading about people who get "delusional parasitosis" where they think they have invisible bugs all over them that no doctor can help them with, and it drives them nuts.

I'll spare you and not post any pics.

Mad Skillz Step Momma

My step-mommy repaints dolls, sells them on eBay, and gives the money to an orphanage in Mexico. This is her latest one--it's crazy good! She got mad skillz!

"You don't know me!"

What not to write

When I was researching my last book I came across some news stories about the Haisla's years of searching for the G'psgolox totem pole, and how they finally found it in Sweden, and then all the shit they had to go through to get it back. And I told some people it would make a great children's story if you told it from the point of view of the totem pole: Kidnapped! Carried across the sea! Hidden away in storage for decades! Decay! Near Death! Revival in a Museum, but so far from home! Homesick! And then the excitement of being found and finally taken back to your home! ...It's a great story.

[Ooh look! It's one of the NFB films now offered for free on their web site!]

But I couldn't write a book like this without proper research. By which I mean, in-person research, as well as permission. Or a co-authoring. Otherwise it's about as bad as running off with the pole in the first place. Here's an article that describes the thinking I went through:

How to Turn a Traditional Indian Story into a Children’s Book (for fun and profit)

1. Go to a special collections library and peruse the traditional Indian stories told to and written down by non-Indian anthropologists. Don’t worry about asking anyone’s permission to use or change the stories you discover—Indians may consider many of them sacred, but according to copyright law, they are public domain and yours for the taking.

2. Choose a particular story that resonates with you. Carefully extricate all of its cultural markers. Be sure to remain oblivious to the language and lives of the people whose story you hold in your hands. That way, you can be more objective.

3. Magnify the details you think are important—and get rid of everything else. Cut out all references to violence, sex, bodily functions, spiritual beliefs, or anything else you don’t particularly like or understand.

4. Belabor the prose to make it seem more authentic. For instance, if the story reads, “There was no fire here then, only far upriver at world’s end,” change it to: “Long ago, the animal people had no fire. Day and night, they huddled in their houses in the dark, and ate their food uncooked. In the winter, they were so cold, icicles hung from their fur. Oh, they were miserable!”

5. Improve on the dialogue. Let your imagination run wild. If the story reads, “I am going!”, change it to: “Farewell, my parents, and do not grieve. I have another home under the sea and I’m going there!”

6. Find a talented illustrator who is good at copying artifacts in a museum. Make sure he has seen “Dances With Wolves.” Or, forget about authenticity altogether—find an artist whose imagination is as fanciful as yours. In any event, make sure that the illustrations match your interpretation—your vision, if you will—of your story.

7. Have your manuscript and illustrations vetted by several non-Indian anthros. Make sure to thank them in the introduction. Call up an Indian, too—any Indian. Even if she hangs up on you, you can thank her in your introduction. After all, she picked up the phone when you called.

8. Think up an imaginative title that will make a publisher see in­come potential. Calling your story a Coyote story is good. Publishers like things called Coyote stories, even if they’re not. If the publisher bites, you can always make your story a Coyote story.

9. Remember to write under your title the phrases, “a Native American legend” (or “myth”) and “retold by” (you).

10. After your manuscript and illustrations are complete, write a short preface about the Indians who “told” this “myth” or “legend.” (Remember to discuss them in the past tense.) Also make sure to refer to Indian spiritual beliefs (even if you don’t really know anything about them) as “superstitions.”

11. Done! Now sit back and collect your awards. Be well praised by reviewers for your warm, sensitive, storytelling and the sympathetic voice you have given to “America’s first people.”

12. Be prepared to sit on multicultural panels throughout the country, educating and enlightening the thousands of eager teachers and librarians who thirst for your knowledge.