Sherry in 2005

Covered in catnip

Enjoying the morning

Swissgirl calls this one: Sherry just after he killed his red brother.

Cuddling

A wrestling match with a yellow highlighter

My Sherry Amour

Sherry & Fernando - 2005
(Mutual admiration society? Look how pleased they both seem!)

I took Sherry to the specialist vet today, and had to leave him there while they did tests--a urinalysis, x-rays, and sonogram of his abdomen. The doctor called me at work around 5 PM with the results, and of course it's cancer. Basically worst case scenario, but also one I'd expected.

I wrote notes of what she told me, but they're shoved in a pocket in my work vest, so I'm not sure how good my recall is. I think he has numerous small tumours in his internal organs--the liver I think, and maybe the kidneys. They can't know what sort of cancer unless they do more tests. The release papers say: Disseminated neoplasia, abdominal and pleural effusion.

He had fluid built up in his abdomen, so she removed some of that. She said they could send it for testing, and it might show what sort of cancer it is. But she also said that she consulted the oncologist who said this sort of diffused cancer doesn't respond well to chemo. It's not like something localized to one spot, where they could do surgery and then chemo the rest. At this point it's only about palliative care. So I told her not to test the fluid--there's no point.

He has a little fluid in his lungs too, which worries me. Nombly died because of such an accumulation, and he was really distressed. I wouldn't want it to go that far.

The tests and consultation were very expensive, but I don't mind. All I wanted was a clear answer, and a clear path. She's prescribed him prednisone, and asked us to call her in a week to see how he's doing. She seemed to think that's about all he's going to last at this point.

I don't want to see him get worse to the point that he's really in pain and miserable--I'm hoping we can sort of catch it a step before, and choose to euthanize him at that point. I asked her what to look for, how we would know. I was thinking more along the lines of physical symptoms--but in any case, those are listed on his release papers, and in the reading I've done. If his gums get too pale then he might be bleeding internally. Same with if we see blood in his stool or anywhere. If he starts vomiting. Gets weaker. Etc.

But she answered more in the sense of choosing when to euthanize. She said it's hard to be objective, so my husband and I should list the five things Sherry likes to do most, and then look at whether he's able to do them anymore.

Kind of an interesting exercise. You know when to pull my plug when (1) I can't read books (or listen to audio books); (2) can't enjoy music; (3) can't write stories; ... what else? Debate people? Have no friends, close family, companions left?

I actually made such a list for Sherry, back in March, though not with such a sinister purpose.

Things Sherry likes:
- softies over crunchies
- toys that jump and fly about
- a good run after he uses the facilities
- freshly cleaned pillow cases (Apparently. Today I tossed two clean pillow cases on the bed, and he went straight to them and slept there all day.)
- scratches and fur-pulls from the armpits upwards
- carbs (but he can't tolerate them--so he's a cat with long bumhair, who gets diarrhea once a week)

* He can still enjoy pillow cases and scratches. He can have as many muffins as he wants, but I don't know if he'll recover some appetite with the prednisone. And he does get softies but, um, from a syringe. Not really the same thing. But as for chasing toys and tearing through the apartment after a crap, those days are gone my friend.

Oops, almost made myself cry again. My mood is so up and down, the downs catch me off guard. Poor Maewitch, who's a best friend but also a coworker, had to witness my first ever at-work cry today. The vet was telling me all this stuff, and all I could think was "mustnotcrymustkeepittogether" but it was a losing battle. I could barely speak my last few words to the vet, and broke down when I got off the phone. Bless her little softy heart, Mae gave me a hug, but when I turned around she had tears in her eyes! I told her she had to stop or I wouldn't be able to recover. I asked her to make me laugh. Which she did, by offering to phone her boyfriend who, she said, probably had a cancer joke or two up his sleeve. Complete Meltdown averted.

Uh oh, I think my crying is disturbing Bones again. He just popped his head up from the basket. Sorry Sherry. Keep it together, Mabel. lol He was giving me an evil stare over the edge of the basket. Luckily I had my camera handy--I'll post the pic tomorrow. But now it's 5:20 AM and I should take my pills and head bedwardly. If I can't sleep, I've got two good books to work with. And if that fails, I asked Mae to lend me a TV series on DVD so I can brainveg.

Sigh. Prince was right--the beautiful ones hurt you every time. And all cats are beautiful! #@$%!