It's sad when one's laziness is stronger than one's compassion. But it's also sad when one's compassion is stronger for others' than it is for oneself. I'm on a journey to get back to my better self, here, one day at a time. Eez been a rough winter.
Though it was kind of good because I tried a little spinach paneer which I've secretly longed for since accidentally buying it years ago, and... didn't like it! I never really regret unveganizing, because it generally just keeps those foods demystified for me. I got pretty tired of those cheese packets two months ago, and last month I learned that goat cheese wasn't the fantasy I'd remembered it being.
But I'm still cooking from my vegan books and updating short reviews on my VeganEats page.
In other food politics news, I did have to give up my fight to resist palm oil. I won't buy it in processed foods (most store goodies), but I'm just not ready to give up margarine yet. Again, it was a good experiment. I kept that last tub of margarine going a long time and found some great recipes, like Dreena Burton's scone recipe with oil. Burton's always my first resource for less processed ingredients baking. But--once again the Emotionally Long Hard Winter--I finally broke down in a flurry of baking powder biscuits and shortbread. I've been eating toast with margarine, like, every second day.
And finally - I have a recipe. My one and only I Invented It recipe. I've always said I can't cook, meaning I can't improve and make something taste good, and always agreed with people that "I can make desserts only because they should NOT be improvised upon." But I recently realized I've been lying. Baking/desserting is the one area where I understand the properties well enough that I'm comfortable experimenting and substituting.
Mabel's Pecan Truffletude
Commentary in parentheses to see insight into My Brain When Baking (or not, as it was raw.) I've learned that baking is the only area of cooking where I'm comfortable experimenting.
1/2 cup liquid coconut oil (all I had left - original called for 1 cup)
3 TB honey (I use honey now, because I've become convinced now that if we don't support honeybee combers, there will be no foods, cause the wild ones are dying. But I buy local. But it's just a personal choice. The original recipe is for agave.)
3 TB maple syrup (cause it didn't taste sweet enough, but I was using a regular spoon, not a measuring spoon)
[at this point her recipe has lavender, and it all gets mixed up]
3/4 cups cocoa powder (I'm not a raw foodist, so this is run of the mill cocoa - she called for cacao)
1/4 cup natural peanut butter (and about a TB or so of the oil, to make up for the lack of coconut oil) (original recipe calls for almond butter)
1 cup pecans (it was the only kind of nut I had in large quantity) (original recipe = almonds, and they get mixed in to keep their shape, not ground up like my lazy recipe)
1 cup dates (I don't like raisins, and all of Phyo's recipes seem to use raisins)
I put it all in the food processor and grinded the hell out of it. Formed into little balls, then pushed flat into cookie shapes, onto a cookie sheet, that was covered with a reused parchment paper. (Original recipe is poured into a pan and broken into pieces like a chocolate bar.)
Put in freezer til hard. But this recipe, even with less oil, is the vegan equivalent of French high patisserie. Because as I squished it into balls it was almost DRIPPING. It was SO DISGUSTING. Maybe it was because of the maple syrup too which is watery. Can you imagine with 1 cup of oil??
End result = rich and chocolatey like truffles. I'd even serve to non-vegans except as they melt they get more oily. Maybe if you left in balls, dusted with chocolate, in little paper cups. I might make again and try less oil. Except coconut oil gets rock hard when cold, so it's a big part of what's holding the cookie together, methinks.
Raw food is weird.
4 comments:
dont give up your vegan plight! i get the eating food thats going to be thrown out, but it blurs the line when you think like that. you are a caring, super compassionate person, feed your sensitive body the gentle foods it needs.i get being down too, its not fun.i guess im kinda assuming all this stuff, but its just that i figure we are at least a little alike. (i dont want to hurt your feelings and call you a nutbag like me) and i love what you wrote about being compassionate to yourself!that is SO true! ok nuff of that:)
i love how far off you went with her recipe:)heheeh im all over raw recipes, i think they are really good!!and it does sound like they need to to be dusted in something, do you like coconut flakes? or cocoa like you said? i didnt know she used raisens a lot, who likes raisens? i mean, a little goes a long way, the flavor is so strong.
Coconut's a good idea.
Yes I am a nutcase. Coconutty.
I don't want to say I could never see myself giving up veganism, but if I did it wouldn't be out of laziness, and it wouldn't be because I craved cheese. It would have to be because I sincerely believed it was a more ethical choice for both people and animals--like if I knew a particular farm I wanted to support or something. That's why I'm uncomfortable when someone unveganizes and a lot of vegans automatically assume it was because the person was "weak" or had cravings or doesn't care enough about animals. Vegans don't hold the sole moral high ground in this world.
BUT. I live in the suburbs!! SO in all likelihood that's just never going to happen. Given that I shop at regular grocery stores, I will continue to be a vegan. But I want to be a vegan for life, and for me I think that's more likely if I attempt 70 years of imperfection, rather than maybe 30 years of perfection and then one day eat one piece of cheese and lose the whole thing. ;-)
Soul-wise I'm feeling great. And the Indian restaurant was good, cause when I had that spoonful of paneer I thought, no, this isn't me. Other than finishing Fernando's food at home (which is ethically correct to me, I won't throw out food), the lazy veganism period is over.
There's still some one-person-servings of Kraft dinner (they're really not good) left, and some soups that my husband bought in bulk, and then he ate one and hated them (why does he buy in bulk something he hasn't tasted?? thankfully they're at least VEGETARIAN). And a few more yogurts to finish. And then I'm done. !!!
Thanks for the feedback. :-) I do still need a few vegan friends in my life, even if they're Virtual!
"Vegans don't hold the sole moral high ground in this world."
heheh harsh,lol. i meant it when i said that i got the using up food so it wont be wasted idea. a few dys ago i ordered a smoothie and they put yogurt in it. that stuf, even the name makes me gag(even pre-vegan) i felt bad about it being wasted but my body and mind are not going to run how i want them to with those things inside me. and any nutrition would be lessened by the fact that they were gotten in such cruel ways. like, we are taking that sadness and hopelessness into our bodies you know?
i dont want to be somebody that would shut off a friend that stumbled. but i think we are (vegans) are so sensitive that to be around somebody that did stumble and fall,well that is really difficult. but you are saying from the get-go that you are not super strict etc, and that makes it ok in my ocd mind:)i struggle with my ocd rigid thinking, and like i said i dont want to be like that(shutting off friends). its not a very nice trait!!
Oh I didn't mean that line as a harsh statement against you or your response! :-) I was thinking back to some of the really mean, judgmental things people said during Vegangate 2010. When veganism started, it was supposed to be about compassion to all living things.
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