Minion the Menace

Months ago the vet gave me a dog chewie thing to see if Minion would like it. She didn't like it that much so I stuck it in the bread cupboard and rarely took it out. But one day she followed her nose, found it, and took it out. (It's a higher cupboard, like over the stove, only it's over a counter.) I put it back. When she was bored, she took it out again.

Today she took it out. Then it occurred to her... didn't she see some nice bread in that same cupboard? Why was she passing the bread up every time she went for the boring dog chew?

We've used this cupboard for years without even our most bread-loving cat (Sherry) finding it. And then today...

Fernando: Menowz! You left my bagels out and Minion's eaten them!
Me: I didn't leave them out! She must have climbed in the cupboard, the little minx!
Fernando: Oh my love!
Me: Hey I didn't do anything!
Fernando: I didn't accuse you, I just expressed dismay at my eaten bagels.

For some reason I didn't think she'd dare this a second time. I thought maybe she'd been especially tempted by the cinnamon raisin bagels. After all, the damn bread's been in there all this time. (Well not the same loaf.)

Then I was sitting here and I hear...

Squeka squeka squeka...

I knew it wasn't the lower cupboard squeaking. I tied them up ever since Minion's chewing-thing-stuck-in-intestines incident.

I looked at Haley, who could see into the kitchen. She was watching something with mild interest.

I went to the kitchen.

The bread cupboard door was mostly closed, but moving slightly.

Squeka squeka squeka...

I opened the cupboard and there was Minion the Menace, settling in comfortable, using her patented bag opening technique on the bread: multiple tooth punctures 1 inch X 2 inch zone.

I tossed her out and duct taped the door. Wrote "child safety locks" on the grocery list.

Me: Our genius child has been in the bread again.
Fernando: Are you feeding her enough?
Me: Menowz!
Fernando: It was a serious question! Maybe she's hungry!
Me: She ate your bagels thirty minutes ago!
Fernando: ...It was a snack.
Me: [to Haley] You couldn't warn me?
Haley: I'm a lot of things Mahmmy, but I'm no stool pidgeon.

(Did I mention she can open a brand new bag of chips in under a minute? If you're eating chips she won't try to steal one out of your hand, she'll try to make an opening at the bottom of the bag.)