I'm reading a book called Stuff, it's about hoarding. It's interesting to see yourself in these things, and think about your own addictions. This year I finally started calling myself a book hoarder. I am capable of parting with books, but only really in the last couple years when my collection got into the 1000s and I had to get tuff with myself.
At first hoarding was identified as an obsessive compulsive disorder, but they've started distinguishing it for one key reason. OCD is about decreasing discomfort, whereas hoarding involves pleasure. For example, when I feel driven to go back to the bathroom five times before I fall asleep, it's because as I lay there in bed... the feeling that my bladder must be filling up at some inhuman rate and I HAVE to empty every last drop or else I'll pee my bed or something!!!ahhhh!!!! is discomfort. I can either suffer through and try to fall asleep anyway, or get up. Getting up seems easier than suffering. It's my total OCD moment, every night.
On the other hand, when I'm standing in a bookstore looking at titles and overwhelmed by the deliciousness of it all... that is not at all the same sort of compulsion. I've stood in the cooking section of my store, sometimes, with the determination not to leave without something new. When we have sales, when things go on special, it's really hard to not buy something, cause you get that "I must take advantage of this opportunity!!" feeling.
Years and years ago I tried to stop buying so many books, and then thought--hey, I won't work at this job forever, so why not stock up and I'll have great books for years to come! Ya, well. I still work here, and I've got enough fiction books to last 11 years, if I read one book per week. That's not counting the non-fiction. Ease, Miss Mabel, ease. But that's tres hoarding thinking--the idea that you might be missing out on an opportunity.
Another common idea among many hoarders is that this thing they don't want to get rid of represents knowledge that they might need one day (Eg. people who won't throw out newspapers, article clippings.) I was like this with books (mostly) until the internet saved me. I would spend years looking for research books on certain topics, and when I came across them I couldn't resist pouncing, and then I wouldn't get rid of the book for years and years because I might get back to writing x book which requires y research.
I still have that trouble, but it's getting easier. I at least try to resist adding to my collection.
The book also talks a lot about inheriting hoarding (at least by nurture, if not nature) which makes me think of my grandfather. He had a clean, neat home; it was very open and spacious, everything in place. But the man had BOOKS. His home was my idea of heaven. Books in every room, and boxes and boxes more stuffed into the basement. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting on the floor next to a cupboard stuffed with books, pulling them out, digging through the piles, and spontaneously getting sucked into stories of Pompeii, or the Roman arena games, or an Oscar Wilde play, or a book of dirty limericks.
Something not in this book, but which Peter Walsh (that New Zealand guy who helps milder hoarders get rid of stuff) often comments on is that sometimes we keep things because we have a picture of who we think we are, or who we wish we are, and it's just not accurate. For example, he'll make people go through all their kitchen gadgets, and challenge them on when was the last time they used it. Did they actually cook, or did they just have fantasies of being A Person Who Loves to Cook? Letting go of those things requires letting go of the fantasy.
Fair enough. How long will I hang onto my Arabic language books and CDs? (But I loooooves them! I did enjoy them when I thought I might do a PhD and wanted to start learning! I might get back to them! I might travel one day! Or is this a fantasy?)
My grandfather was an English lit prof, and after he died my mother sent me all his lit books. I finally had to tell myself that I'm never going to learn Middle English, become a Chaucer expert, or specialize in Medieval or Renaissance literature. I kept my favourite Dante book, and a couple Canterbury Tales books, but finally let the rest go.
Anyway. Interesting stuff, this Stuff.
7 comments:
Good insight: Did they actually cook, or did they just have fantasies of being A Person Who Loves to Cook? Letting go of those things requires letting go of the fantasy.
The marketing specialists appeal to these fantasies in all of us. They call it, "selling the sizzle rather than the steak..." So a beer ad is all about amazingly cool peeps having endless fun! etc.. rather than about beer.
I find as I age too I collect a history of stuff section: "Can't let go of this book because it has great insights about XYZ that I might re-read one day ..." and other memorabilia.
cue music:
"We get bigger as we go ..." - Bruce Cockburn
I've been thinking about this concept of the things we own/buy because of the fantasies about ourselves ...:
My list goes like this - in no particular order:
1: musician - lots of musical stuff I hardly use or even know how to use.
2: movie/media producer: camera, microphone(s), software packages - used sparingly to make parrot refuge videos (few enough of those lately...)
3: Mr. Fitness! Tons of sporting and fitness gear. (what?! I have to actually use it as opposed to own it to get fit? d'oh!) - to my credit? I got rid of most of that in the last move or two. I no longer, but did own for a long time without using: kayak, tennis racket, basketball and hoop, skis, exercise bike, paddleball racket, ... etc..
4: Pilot - I am finding fewer and fewer days when I actually want to muster up the concetration and effort to go flying...
5: Home Owner: To my credit I sold my "Green Acres" experiment at Ile Perrot and moved on. I'm enjoying living in a Strata where someone else takes care of the grounds and outside maintenance. However I do feel a little confined here at times ... hence my latest search for item 6:
6: Road Warrior: I sold my Blues Bus so now I need some other sort of escape pod. Very difficult to define a right-sized vehicle that will accomodate my wanderlust mostly, but sometimes include France and maybe even two parrots ... and my desired budget ... I am trying hard here to actually buy The Steak rather than the Sizzle if you know what I mean. We'll see how this turns out but I'm struck by the fact that it is currently impossible to buy any RV/motorhome less than 20 years old that isn't equipped like a small suburban home rather than anything you'd actally call a "camper." sheeesh.
7: Writer - see item above regarding movie/media producer. I have in the past bought laptop Mac etc. and planned on doing endless writing on the go etc... In retrospect my most productive writing time was acheived while living in the Pointe Claire apt. with my office tucked behind a divider in the corner of the master bedroom and using one basic little Mac Plus computer with floppy drives and little to no internet ... Currently resisting the "need" for ipad, iphone, laptop, with 3G connectivity for on-the-go writing etc.. again...
Anyway - the fantasies we purchase "stuff" for - intersting reflection. This could be our greatest addiction of all?
Phew! Google scared me with this message (thought I'd lost the entire comment). I hate it when that happens with no previous warning:
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The last chapter of the book touches on how the materialism of our society is feeding into, or bringing out this problem of hoarding. For example, the growing business of storage containers. It's pretty crazy.
I totally pee multiple times in the few minutes before I go to bed for the same reasons you mention here. :)
My grandmother hoards clothing. My aunt has recently moved down here wit a job transfer and is staying there until she finds a house. But my grandmother has exactly two drawers available for her clothing and other storage in their spacious three bedroom house. She has six closets filled with her own clothing, and dozens of drawers throughout the house... And these must be changed out for the seasons (i.e., half of the clothes are up in the attic until she has to make the transfer in the Fall). She doesn't qualify for shows like Hoarders because she keeps things relatively neat, and you can walk around in her home. But she has drawers divided up by color, such that one drawer will have an assorted collection of deep red shirts, and another of purple shirts, and so on. My grandfather also has only one or two drawers.
So, are you continuing to purge the book collection? I sold all of my CDs last summer (after saving them to a hard drive) and made about $300. I don't really have enough books for it to be a problem, and I use the library a lot, but I'm very disorganized... Therefore, I'm still holding onto my Moroccan Arabic language books--and hoping they'll actually come in handy one day.
My books don't really need purging at the moment, they're under control.
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