What books should take from movies:

(Excerpted from cracked.com)

1. Sequels: Sequels are like a license to print small bills just so you can spit on them and throw them at poor people. If publishers take up this practice as well, think of all the great works we could be reading right now! We could be perusing the action-packed Dickensian sequel we’ve all wanted to read, 2 Cities 2 Furious. Or laughing it up to The Retard, the light-hearted follow-up to Dostoyevsky’s The Idiot.

2. Explosions: Put your skills to work where they’re wanted, novelists. Nobody gives a shit how ethereal the morning dew is, but write us some explosion porn and they’ll name the Pulitzer Prize after you (as opposed to whoever it’s named for now).

3. A soundtrack: You’ve probably seen Spielberg’s classic horror film, Jaws, right? Have you ever tried watching it on mute? Without his titular theme song, Jaws (that’s the shark’s name) doesn’t look ominous; he looks lost. When seen in utter silence, Jaws isn’t scary. It watches more like the tragic story of a shark with autism just trying to find his way home.

4. Celebrity cameos:

An example of how a celebrity cameo could potentially liven up an existing classic:

“These women do prattle so, do they not Mr. Baracus?” Mr. Darcy said, leaning in casual repose against the door.

“Indeed, sir,” replied Mr. Baracus. “They are quite foolish in their way, and I for one do not suffer fools lightly. Actually, it is quite the pity they inspire in me.”

5. Slow motion: For example, here’s what the Matrix could be like, in novel form:

He takes a step, and then another and another. Now there’s another step. Now it’s only half a step, and he starts to lift off the ground just a little bit. Now he’s kind of in the air but not really. Now he’s more in the air. Now he’s totally in the air and seriously about to kick a guy in the face.

Neo is kicking a guy in the face.

Neo is still kicking a guy in the face.

His trenchcoat is flapping. Flap. Flaaaap. Flaaaaaaaaap.

….Flaaaaaaaaaap.