Olympic swim superman dude, Michael Phelps, eats 12 000 calories a day. Which just shows, you know, that we could all be eating as much crap as we want if only we'd be willing to exercise all the rest of our waking hours. -->The closest I came to this was when my jaw was wired shut after an operation and I had to eat through a straw. I would end each day with a chocolate milkshake to bring up my calorie count. Sweeet.
Anyway, this is a funny article of a food critic trying to keep up with Phelps. It greatly resembles my own life.
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No one would ever confuse me with an Olympic athlete. I was picked last in softball and the last time I was competitive about anything, it was apathy (remember being in your 20s?).
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So I head to nearest body of water. ... It's adult swim time and the grown-ups are swimming laps. An old man swims width-wise across the pool. It's not clear if he's crazy or just a jerk. ... I swim a lap. This pool must be much larger than an Olympic pool because I get tired very quickly. Having achieved a small victory with my lap I go out on a high note, at the peak of my performance ability.
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Any serious athlete is up before dawn to train. I rise at 4 a.m., stretch, walk to the bathroom, urinate, and head back to bed.
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I receive a devastating piece of news. "A lap is generally there and back," says Zach Weston, professor of kinesiology at Wilfrid Laurier University. "A length is just there."
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