Navel Gazing: The Books That Changed My Life - Malcolm

The Autobiography of Malcolm X

As mentioned previously, I loved reading about Malcolm because he was a man who believed in evolving. But watching the movie again, and re-reading parts, I've also realized I just identify with him as well.

* I've also been part of a cult-y church, and went through a big struggle when my husband was suspended from said church. (When Malcolm is *silenced* in the movie, it's all painfully familiar--it's like watching what my husband went through, all over again. Very hurtful stuff.)

* I've tried to live this very Moral Life--after prison, Malcolm didn't sleep with anyone until he married, and then he was monogamous. In the movie you see how bored the wiretappers are, listening in on Malcolm's private life. I'm not saying Premarital Sex is wrong, I just mean Malcolm had integrity--if he said he believed in something, then he did his best to live it. I'm down with that. If you hold a belief you can't really live by, then do you really believe in it?

* And have been Disappointed In People when they've proven to be more "frail" than I expected them to be --> because I too have that almost childlike innocent belief in people. I'm talking about when Malcolm X starts learning about all the shit going on in his church--the "prophet" sleeping around with women and then kicking them out, the ministers living high on the hog, and the prophet and other ministers plotting his downfall behind his back. Okay, okay I've never had someone I thought was my friend plot to murder me. But in the book he talks about how being lied to, betrayed, is the one thing he just can't bear, and I'm totally with him on that.

* And I've also had to mature and soften in that respect. (Well Malcolm didn't soften towards the people trying to kill him. But when he realized what shits the Black Muslims were, he certainly softened towards the other Black leaders he'd previously critisized.)

* And my final worldview turned into one that was more expansive and inclusive, but without compromising on what I believe, in the end, is *right.* (Malcolm's trip to Mecca.)

Luckily my journey has been a little more quiet and low profile than his was... and hasn't ended in my being assassinated.