So Mr. Bones isn't much worse, but he isn't better either. If the prednisone had made him a bit more active, or eating on his own, then we'd probably put off the euthanasia a little longer. But I'm afraid of how much pain he's in, cause cats are very stoical about these things, and we'd rather do this before hitting a crisis--like when Nombly's lungs suddenly filled with fluid.
I have two girlfriends whose boyfriends "have a friend who knows someone" who can do it for us at home, but Fernando's not comfortable with that. So we'll just try to make it happen as quick as we can--he'll make some calls tomorrow. Unfortunately our vet is on vacation. I really trust her because she put Nombly down, so I know she won't botch it (there are blogs devoted to bad vets--horrible). But Delyriam used to be with one of the other vets at the same place, and all the technicians are wonderful, so I'm sure anyone will do.
Sherry still comes to be fed, and still purrs. But his life consists of sitting on the bath mat and having liquidy food shot at him. Better to stop before it gets less dignified! Plus the week after next I have to go to two days of leadership training, so I'll be gone the same hours as Fernando. And we're afraid of leaving him alone too long, in case there's a crisis and he's in pain for hours before someone finds him.
I do seem to be writing about this all a lot. Well, it's all I think about, so I have a lot to process by end of day. Oh la oh la. Is there a song for killing your cat? How about "Break It to Me Gently"? It's how my Kleenex box and I feel right about now.
Break it to my gently So my tears won't fall too fast If you must go, then go slowly Let me love you to the last
I love being at a job where my co-workers are so kind, though. I know I can switch shifts around to accommodate the kitty and the vet visits, and they ask how I'm doing, and one manager offered to bring us to pick Sherry up, or to drive him when he takes His Last Drive; and today my boss, who I hadn't seen all week, immediately expressed his sympathy and told me to take off as much time as I need. Working with such nice and compassionate people is certainly one of the reasons many of us find it hard to leave this job. I guess that's my *bit of awesome* amongst this sad experience.
And Fernando and I seem to finally be on the same page, so that's a little easier. ;-)
I can't believe we'll only have one cat! As Midnightstreet said, what will I do with all my time? If a cat fight breaks out in the forest, and Mabel isn't around to hear, does anyone get scratched?
Oh, and -- I had a mini scare last night. I kneeled down to feed Sherry on the bathroom floor, and saw these teeny-tiny little black bugs, with hopping capability, near the base of the toilet. I went off to research and realized they might be fleas! Noooo! The last thing my Bones needs is to be itchy!!
I studied them closely but their bodies looked elongated, not diamond shaped, with little antennae, and a sticky bit at the bottom (the furcula). And they were easy to kill, whereas fleas are sort of hard-bodied and apparently hard to squash. Plus Haley hasn't been scratching at all, and I couldn't see anything suspicious amongst Sherry's white hair and pink skin.
So I believe they're springtails--which people think are fleas because they hop, but they don't eat mammal blood. PHEW. Went to bed late cause I couldn't rest until I had (a) killed them, and (b) reassured myself.
Mr Bones has been quite lethargic since his vet visit. Poor guy his belly was shaved for the sonogram. When Nombly had an ultrasound it was just his heart, so just a small patch under the armpit was shaved. But Sherry hates being touched on the belly, and he had the whole thing shaved! Oh la.
I was feeling discouraged, but when Fernando opened a can of chicken soup for himself Sherry emerged from his fave spot on the bathroom rug. He licked a little from a spoon, but then I had to give him a syringe feeding. I used to make sure he was taking a certain amount, but now I just leave him free to get up when he wants, usually after about 4 squirts.
He later came and sat on the couch between us, watched Burn Notice and had some cuddles. Coming out to see me used to always mean he wanted food (he likes to eat in small increments) so when he comes out, I give him a few syringe squirts.
And he came again when I opened the last can of tuna. (Those stupid cans of tuna!)
Here's a scale for deciding a pet's quality of life and whether to euthanize:
Quality of life scale Pawspice care is not a substitute for euthanasia and it is up to the pet owners to make the difficult decision when the quality of life becomes unacceptable for their pet. Many pet owners feel conflicted about euthanizing their pet and almost all will struggle with the question "How do I know it's time?". The following quality of life scale may help you evaluate some of the issues that are difficult to face and objectively evaluate. Each issue can be graded from 0 to 10 (10 being best) and generally speaking, a score above 5 on most of these issues is typically acceptable for maintaining a pet on the Pawspice program.
Hurt (0-10) Does your pet appear to be in significant pain despite pain management regimen? Adequate pain control is of utmost importance to maintain your pet's comfort, and pain medication can be administered orally, via skin patches or injections. For more information, please see the Cancer Pain Management section. Pet owners also need to be trained to monitor the pet's breathing patterns, as being able to breath is ranked at the top of the pain scale in human medicine.
Hunger (0-10) Does your pet get adequate nutrition? Pets can develop malnutrition quickly if their care takers are not educated about the minimum caloric requirements. Before considering the placement of a feeding tube, pet owners are encouraged to hand feed their pets with special, tasty foods such hamburgers, turkey, chicken, sausages, cheeses, etc. You can also try to feed your pet small portions but more frequently or try to blend the food to make it soft and easier to swallow. You can also try to use a syringe to squirt the blended food to the side of the pet's mouth. For more information, please see the Nutritional Management section.
Hydration (0-10) Does your pet get adequately hydrated? Every pet should consume certain amount of fluids per day (10mL of fluid per pound per day) and proper hydration can have a substantial effect on the quality of your pet's life. If your pet is not getting properly hydrated on its own, administration of subcutaneous fluids is an excellent way to supplement fluid intake. Pet owners can be trained on how to do this procedure properly at home without having to go to the hospital every time.
Hygiene (0-10) Can your pet get properly cleaned and brushed? Some pets, especially those with oral cancer, can't keep themselves clean, and the owners need to take special care to clean their pets' face, paws, and legs with a soft sponge soaked with very dilute solution of lemon juice and hydrogen peroxide.
Happiness (0-10) Can your pet still experience some moments of happiness and joy? Does your pet still interact with family members? Is (s) he responsive to surroundings and petting? Does (s)he respond to his/her favorite toy? Does (s)he have a fun routine activity to look forward to? Does (s)he show signs of depression and apathy? Pets communicate these feelings via their eyes, purring, wagging their tail, jumping, etc and pet owners are the only ones who can make these observations since they spend the most time with their pets.
Mobility (0-10) Can your pet move around on his/her own? If not, is medication, a harness, a sling, or a cart helpful in improving the pet's mobility? If the pet is largely immobilized, is the bedding soft and is there a schedule in place to change the position of the pet at least as often as every 2 hours? The mobility scale seems to differ from one pet owner to another as well as from one pet to another. While this will be a largely personal decision, pet owners should keep in mind that their pet's comfort and pain-free life should always be the top priority.
More good days than bad days Does your pet experience more good days than bad days? Have there recently been many bad days in a row? Are the bad days filled with experiences such as vomiting, nausea, diarrhea, falling down, seizures, progressive weakness? Does your pet show apathy to favorite activities and toys?
Sherry & Fernando - 2005 (Mutual admiration society? Look how pleased they both seem!)
I took Sherry to the specialist vet today, and had to leave him there while they did tests--a urinalysis, x-rays, and sonogram of his abdomen. The doctor called me at work around 5 PM with the results, and of course it's cancer. Basically worst case scenario, but also one I'd expected.
I wrote notes of what she told me, but they're shoved in a pocket in my work vest, so I'm not sure how good my recall is. I think he has numerous small tumours in his internal organs--the liver I think, and maybe the kidneys. They can't know what sort of cancer unless they do more tests. The release papers say: Disseminated neoplasia, abdominal and pleural effusion.
He had fluid built up in his abdomen, so she removed some of that. She said they could send it for testing, and it might show what sort of cancer it is. But she also said that she consulted the oncologist who said this sort of diffused cancer doesn't respond well to chemo. It's not like something localized to one spot, where they could do surgery and then chemo the rest. At this point it's only about palliative care. So I told her not to test the fluid--there's no point.
He has a little fluid in his lungs too, which worries me. Nombly died because of such an accumulation, and he was really distressed. I wouldn't want it to go that far.
The tests and consultation were very expensive, but I don't mind. All I wanted was a clear answer, and a clear path. She's prescribed him prednisone, and asked us to call her in a week to see how he's doing. She seemed to think that's about all he's going to last at this point.
I don't want to see him get worse to the point that he's really in pain and miserable--I'm hoping we can sort of catch it a step before, and choose to euthanize him at that point. I asked her what to look for, how we would know. I was thinking more along the lines of physical symptoms--but in any case, those are listed on his release papers, and in the reading I've done. If his gums get too pale then he might be bleeding internally. Same with if we see blood in his stool or anywhere. If he starts vomiting. Gets weaker. Etc.
But she answered more in the sense of choosing when to euthanize. She said it's hard to be objective, so my husband and I should list the five things Sherry likes to do most, and then look at whether he's able to do them anymore.
Kind of an interesting exercise. You know when to pull my plug when (1) I can't read books (or listen to audio books); (2) can't enjoy music; (3) can't write stories; ... what else? Debate people? Have no friends, close family, companions left?
I actually made such a list for Sherry, back in March, though not with such a sinister purpose.
Things Sherry likes: - softies over crunchies - toys that jump and fly about - a good run after he uses the facilities - freshly cleaned pillow cases (Apparently. Today I tossed two clean pillow cases on the bed, and he went straight to them and slept there all day.) - scratches and fur-pulls from the armpits upwards - carbs (but he can't tolerate them--so he's a cat with long bumhair, who gets diarrhea once a week)
* He can still enjoy pillow cases and scratches. He can have as many muffins as he wants, but I don't know if he'll recover some appetite with the prednisone. And he does get softies but, um, from a syringe. Not really the same thing. But as for chasing toys and tearing through the apartment after a crap, those days are gone my friend.
Oops, almost made myself cry again. My mood is so up and down, the downs catch me off guard. Poor Maewitch, who's a best friend but also a coworker, had to witness my first ever at-work cry today. The vet was telling me all this stuff, and all I could think was "mustnotcrymustkeepittogether" but it was a losing battle. I could barely speak my last few words to the vet, and broke down when I got off the phone. Bless her little softy heart, Mae gave me a hug, but when I turned around she had tears in her eyes! I told her she had to stop or I wouldn't be able to recover. I asked her to make me laugh. Which she did, by offering to phone her boyfriend who, she said, probably had a cancer joke or two up his sleeve. Complete Meltdown averted.
Uh oh, I think my crying is disturbing Bones again. He just popped his head up from the basket. Sorry Sherry. Keep it together, Mabel. lol He was giving me an evil stare over the edge of the basket. Luckily I had my camera handy--I'll post the pic tomorrow. But now it's 5:20 AM and I should take my pills and head bedwardly. If I can't sleep, I've got two good books to work with. And if that fails, I asked Mae to lend me a TV series on DVD so I can brainveg.
Sigh. Prince was right--the beautiful ones hurt you every time. And all cats are beautiful! #@$%!
I'm kind of useless these days, so I don't do much more than listen to music, decorate Mabel's VeganEats, watch DVDs, and play around on the nets.
I find it soothing to choose new flooring and wall colors and chairs and decor for my virtual café. Give Sherry cuddles when he comes 'round. Ask his decorating advice. So far it's a mixture of Indian, Chinese and Tahitian decor. I rewatched all of entourage, and the last season on DVD. I take turns watching Dr Katz or A-Team. (Hey, I don't have this DVD set! No fair!) I'm listening to my new Gorillaz album a lot, and Basia Bulat, and tons of other stuff.
I know a woman who makes purses--everyone at work has them--so I asked her to make me a kobo pouch. Her things are made with recycled fabric, which I love, and she chooses what I can only call "hip" fabrics, like '80s greens. She made a few pouches and posted them on her etsy, so I spent some time choosing one, and then I chose a purse and a wristlet purse which also fits my kobo. I'm taking my new purse to the vet tomorrow, as encouragement, or good luck. Let's hope we don't have to put Sherrybones down, cause the poor purse will lose all its cachet.
My purse
My polkadot kobo pouch, and the wristlet
Since etsy shopping was soothing, I decided to look for a "purseket." I've wanted one since seeing the old TV ads, not only because it keeps your stuff organized, but you can pull it out of one bag and quickly move it to another. I use my backpack most days, so when I want to take a cute purse instead, it's a pain to transfer everything to and fro. But there are zillions of purse organizers on etsy, so I'm systematically working my way through them... soooothing... I'm now going to go catalog my purses/backpack contents, while Haley sits outside watching the night go by, and Bones naps in his basket. Soooothing.
UPDATE (* indicates important enough to put in trip-to-vet purse)
Backpack compartment 1 (meant for laptop) - Tribute magazine in case I forget to bring a book
#2 (main compartment, esp used for doing groceries) - wind breaker - when I walk to work: uniform to change into - 2 reusable shopping bags - kobo and/or book*
#3 (smaller) - wallet* - umbrella - mp3 player & high quality headphones - mini accordion filer (for doctor appointments, important receipts, and mostly for bus schedules)
#5 (side compartment with "DUDE" key ring clipped to outside to remind me where my keys and bus card are) - keys - bus card - change in case I forget to bring my wallet
#6 (other side compartment) - sunglasses - gum* - jeweled blue pen & other pens* - stylish mini notebook* (phone numbers, directions to vet, bus info when catsitting, story ideas, etc.) - chapstick - backup bus card, and bus card receipts - hand cream from Stratford hotel - Chapters gift card
#7 - mesh on outside of outer compartments - garbage
Removed: - garbage - drink packet - library pamphlet - receipts - forgotten work sock to launder - unneeded business card - juice bottle
I'm thinking maybe I need to buy more than one purse organizer, of different sizes. The smaller one should have the *vitals* in it, and it can be curled in the middle of the bigger one with the lesser items. Then I can remove the vital one to the smallest of my purses, and only take out the bigger one when I have a big purse. Yes, this is a good plan. Now how many compartments do I need?
Will have to decide later. I must abed, and take that kitty to the internist tomorrow. Wish me luck New Purse!
How did I live before internets? I found an entire site dedicated to hand-feeding your cat.
Sherry was more resistant to his morning feeding, so I cut it short and gave him a larger dose of the appetite stimulant--the vet told Fernando it would be better to go that route than hand feeding.
But it didn't work, and all I got was a drunk cat who wouldn't eat. So I gave him an afternoon feeding, and I warmed the food up and added kitty milk, and it went better. But I've found out I should be giving three times the amount I've been giving, in one sitting. Doh! So I'm off to feed him some more. Going to add some butter this time, fatten the kid up.
Supporting Bones' head while scratching his neck.
Here's the bad: - won't eat - so skinny you could cut your hand on his shoulder blades - head hanging down (stiff neck or something) - lethargic, weak - restless - droopy eyes, third eyelid showing a bit - and his eyes seem a bit more watery than usual, but might be unrelated - and I think his kitty acne is back - immune system under attack
The good: - still walking around, not hiding - not vomiting - drinking and peeing normal amounts - no blood in feces or anywhere else - will purr and respond when you pet and cuddle him - still seems to want to be fed - showed interest in his favourite toy when I wiggled it around for him - paid attention when I was crying last night (Note to self: Haley was sitting to my right at that moment, and continued grooming herself with no interest in my shnuffling. Must remember that her complete lack of interest in anyone but herself is not a bad sign, when she gets sick and old.)
My fear is that this is the relative calm before discovering his got masses of tumours or something. Shiver me timbers.
