Sherry in 2005

Covered in catnip

Enjoying the morning

Swissgirl calls this one: Sherry just after he killed his red brother.

Cuddling

A wrestling match with a yellow highlighter

My Sherry Amour

Sherry & Fernando - 2005
(Mutual admiration society? Look how pleased they both seem!)

I took Sherry to the specialist vet today, and had to leave him there while they did tests--a urinalysis, x-rays, and sonogram of his abdomen. The doctor called me at work around 5 PM with the results, and of course it's cancer. Basically worst case scenario, but also one I'd expected.

I wrote notes of what she told me, but they're shoved in a pocket in my work vest, so I'm not sure how good my recall is. I think he has numerous small tumours in his internal organs--the liver I think, and maybe the kidneys. They can't know what sort of cancer unless they do more tests. The release papers say: Disseminated neoplasia, abdominal and pleural effusion.

He had fluid built up in his abdomen, so she removed some of that. She said they could send it for testing, and it might show what sort of cancer it is. But she also said that she consulted the oncologist who said this sort of diffused cancer doesn't respond well to chemo. It's not like something localized to one spot, where they could do surgery and then chemo the rest. At this point it's only about palliative care. So I told her not to test the fluid--there's no point.

He has a little fluid in his lungs too, which worries me. Nombly died because of such an accumulation, and he was really distressed. I wouldn't want it to go that far.

The tests and consultation were very expensive, but I don't mind. All I wanted was a clear answer, and a clear path. She's prescribed him prednisone, and asked us to call her in a week to see how he's doing. She seemed to think that's about all he's going to last at this point.

I don't want to see him get worse to the point that he's really in pain and miserable--I'm hoping we can sort of catch it a step before, and choose to euthanize him at that point. I asked her what to look for, how we would know. I was thinking more along the lines of physical symptoms--but in any case, those are listed on his release papers, and in the reading I've done. If his gums get too pale then he might be bleeding internally. Same with if we see blood in his stool or anywhere. If he starts vomiting. Gets weaker. Etc.

But she answered more in the sense of choosing when to euthanize. She said it's hard to be objective, so my husband and I should list the five things Sherry likes to do most, and then look at whether he's able to do them anymore.

Kind of an interesting exercise. You know when to pull my plug when (1) I can't read books (or listen to audio books); (2) can't enjoy music; (3) can't write stories; ... what else? Debate people? Have no friends, close family, companions left?

I actually made such a list for Sherry, back in March, though not with such a sinister purpose.

Things Sherry likes:
- softies over crunchies
- toys that jump and fly about
- a good run after he uses the facilities
- freshly cleaned pillow cases (Apparently. Today I tossed two clean pillow cases on the bed, and he went straight to them and slept there all day.)
- scratches and fur-pulls from the armpits upwards
- carbs (but he can't tolerate them--so he's a cat with long bumhair, who gets diarrhea once a week)

* He can still enjoy pillow cases and scratches. He can have as many muffins as he wants, but I don't know if he'll recover some appetite with the prednisone. And he does get softies but, um, from a syringe. Not really the same thing. But as for chasing toys and tearing through the apartment after a crap, those days are gone my friend.

Oops, almost made myself cry again. My mood is so up and down, the downs catch me off guard. Poor Maewitch, who's a best friend but also a coworker, had to witness my first ever at-work cry today. The vet was telling me all this stuff, and all I could think was "mustnotcrymustkeepittogether" but it was a losing battle. I could barely speak my last few words to the vet, and broke down when I got off the phone. Bless her little softy heart, Mae gave me a hug, but when I turned around she had tears in her eyes! I told her she had to stop or I wouldn't be able to recover. I asked her to make me laugh. Which she did, by offering to phone her boyfriend who, she said, probably had a cancer joke or two up his sleeve. Complete Meltdown averted.

Uh oh, I think my crying is disturbing Bones again. He just popped his head up from the basket. Sorry Sherry. Keep it together, Mabel. lol He was giving me an evil stare over the edge of the basket. Luckily I had my camera handy--I'll post the pic tomorrow. But now it's 5:20 AM and I should take my pills and head bedwardly. If I can't sleep, I've got two good books to work with. And if that fails, I asked Mae to lend me a TV series on DVD so I can brainveg.

Sigh. Prince was right--the beautiful ones hurt you every time. And all cats are beautiful! #@$%!

whiling away the time

I'm kind of useless these days, so I don't do much more than listen to music, decorate Mabel's VeganEats, watch DVDs, and play around on the nets.

I find it soothing to choose new flooring and wall colors and chairs and decor for my virtual café. Give Sherry cuddles when he comes 'round. Ask his decorating advice. So far it's a mixture of Indian, Chinese and Tahitian decor.

I rewatched all of entourage, and the last season on DVD. I take turns watching Dr Katz or A-Team. (Hey, I don't have this DVD set! No fair!)

I'm listening to my new Gorillaz album a lot, and Basia Bulat, and tons of other stuff.


I know a woman who makes purses--everyone at work has them--so I asked her to make me a kobo pouch. Her things are made with recycled fabric, which I love, and she chooses what I can only call "hip" fabrics, like '80s greens. She made a few pouches and posted them on her etsy, so I spent some time choosing one, and then I chose a purse and a wristlet purse which also fits my kobo. I'm taking my new purse to the vet tomorrow, as encouragement, or good luck. Let's hope we don't have to put Sherrybones down, cause the poor purse will lose all its cachet.

My purse

My polkadot kobo pouch, and the wristlet

Since etsy shopping was soothing, I decided to look for a "purseket." I've wanted one since seeing the old TV ads, not only because it keeps your stuff organized, but you can pull it out of one bag and quickly move it to another. I use my backpack most days, so when I want to take a cute purse instead, it's a pain to transfer everything to and fro. But there are zillions of purse organizers on etsy, so I'm systematically working my way through them... soooothing...

I'm now going to go catalog my purses/backpack contents, while Haley sits outside watching the night go by, and Bones naps in his basket. Soooothing.

UPDATE
(* indicates important enough to put in trip-to-vet purse)

Backpack compartment 1 (meant for laptop)
- Tribute magazine in case I forget to bring a book

#2 (main compartment, esp used for doing groceries)
- wind breaker
- when I walk to work: uniform to change into
- 2 reusable shopping bags
- kobo and/or book*

#3 (smaller)
- wallet*
- umbrella
- mp3 player & high quality headphones
- mini accordion filer (for doctor appointments, important receipts, and mostly for bus schedules)

#4
- kleenex stash*
- feminine protection
- tiny flashlight
- Tylenol with codeine (backup headache killer)*
- Zomig Rapimelt (my heavy duty headache killer)*

#5 (side compartment with "DUDE" key ring clipped to outside to remind me where my keys and bus card are)
- keys
- bus card
- change in case I forget to bring my wallet

#6 (other side compartment)
- sunglasses
- gum*
- jeweled blue pen & other pens*
- stylish mini notebook* (phone numbers, directions to vet, bus info when catsitting, story ideas, etc.)
- chapstick
- backup bus card, and bus card receipts
- hand cream from Stratford hotel
- Chapters gift card

#7 - mesh on outside of outer compartments
- garbage

Removed:
- garbage
- drink packet
- library pamphlet
- receipts
- forgotten work sock to launder
- unneeded business card
- juice bottle

I'm thinking maybe I need to buy more than one purse organizer, of different sizes. The smaller one should have the *vitals* in it, and it can be curled in the middle of the bigger one with the lesser items. Then I can remove the vital one to the smallest of my purses, and only take out the bigger one when I have a big purse. Yes, this is a good plan. Now how many compartments do I need?

Will have to decide later. I must abed, and take that kitty to the internist tomorrow. Wish me luck New Purse!

mercy mercy me

How did I live before internets? I found an entire site dedicated to hand-feeding your cat.

Sherry was more resistant to his morning feeding, so I cut it short and gave him a larger dose of the appetite stimulant--the vet told Fernando it would be better to go that route than hand feeding.

But it didn't work, and all I got was a drunk cat who wouldn't eat. So I gave him an afternoon feeding, and I warmed the food up and added kitty milk, and it went better. But I've found out I should be giving three times the amount I've been giving, in one sitting. Doh! So I'm off to feed him some more. Going to add some butter this time, fatten the kid up.

Supporting Bones' head while scratching his neck.

Here's the bad:
- won't eat
- so skinny you could cut your hand on his shoulder blades
- head hanging down (stiff neck or something)
- lethargic, weak
- restless
- droopy eyes, third eyelid showing a bit
- and his eyes seem a bit more watery than usual, but might be unrelated
- and I think his kitty acne is back
- immune system under attack

The good:
- still walking around, not hiding
- not vomiting
- drinking and peeing normal amounts
- no blood in feces or anywhere else
- will purr and respond when you pet and cuddle him
- still seems to want to be fed
- showed interest in his favourite toy when I wiggled it around for him
- paid attention when I was crying last night
(Note to self: Haley was sitting to my right at that moment, and continued grooming herself with no interest in my shnuffling. Must remember that her complete lack of interest in anyone but herself is not a bad sign, when she gets sick and old.)

My fear is that this is the relative calm before discovering his got masses of tumours or something. Shiver me timbers.

OK, must feed cat now.

Paging Dr Bones!

You know, a guy who loves medical mysteries as much as Dr House does should be a vet, not a doctor for humans. You get the added excitement of (a) the patient telling you nothing verbally, and (b) less is known about their ailments and how they present.

I keep googling Sherry's particular mixture of symptoms, and have yet to see something that sounds like a match. Where's Dr House when Sherry needs him?! Get me a diagnostician!

Sherry Update

Well, things aren't looking good for little Bones. He doesn't have kidney failure, but we don't know what he has. It might be something auto-immune.

Looking at Fernando's notes from the vet call I see:
- red blood cells down
- albumin down
- globulins 25-50/51
- immune system stimulated
- hepatitis
- pancreatitis
- cancer
- FIV (aids)
- liver

He made me an appointment to take Bones to the specialist/emergency clinic on Wed at noon, to see an internist and get an ultrasound. And so we enter The Twilight Zone of pet ownership. Where you face all those difficult decisions about how much money to spend, how long to try treatment vs prolonging the cat's pain, how many vet visits to try vs. letting the cat stay at home and chill, and when to end it permanently.

Every time I think of putting Sherry down I visually and emotionally remember putting Nombly down, and that's when I come to the verge of weepiness. (Oh good, I'm not at work so I can give in.) I've been avoiding sad music. When Ernie was dying, I was really into Tori Amos' first album, and I now I just don't even like to listen to it. Depresses me.

Poor little Bones. At least the vet reminded Fernando of something I'd forgotten she'd told me--that the appetite stimulant makes the cat look like he's drunk. That's why he looked so bad one day, and then better the next. Phew! She'd warned me not to freak out about it, and sure enough I freaked. Should have written it down.

Bones is spending all his time just lying around and sleeping. Mostly on the bathroom carpet. But he's not isolating himself, and he still responds when you pet him (purr purr ronronron). The stage I don't want to reach is The Bantha Stage. Bantha was my brother/Delyriam's Rottweiler, and they spent a lot of money treating him, but it was this sort of mysterious thing that was probably cancer but you never really know. At the end, he would just lie there staring, not looking at anyone, not responding to anyone's touch. Shiver. It was really horrible.

I syringe-fed him before work, and just now when I got home. We also stuffed a stimulant down him, so I'm hoping he'll eat some treats or milk before I go to bed.

Scenes from a cat - Beauty Routines

Scene: Haley sitting on my chest, painfully licking my cheek.

Haley - Mahmmy! You need to exfoliate more often. This is disgusting!

For some reason I imagine that Haley pronounces my name like this: Mahmmy. Almost "mammy" but not quite.