London and My Sentimental Old Age

I've decided that... I might like to take a trip to San Francisco next year. I'm setting my next book in LA or San Fran, so I'm thinking... maybe I should visit one of them once the book is underway.

This may all come to absolutely nothing--I wouldn't go until next year. I need time to save up the moneys. And maybe I won't be able to save up the moneys! But I'll start looking into it, see how much it would cost me, so I can figure out if it's an achievable goal. Then I'll look around for a travel buddy (the Fernando doesn't mind staying home to catsit--he's not about the globetrotting.) Maybe one of the parental units, or my bro, since they're all out west, and it doesn't cost any of us very much to fly.

My heroine is from LA, and the hero from SF, so I've got to decide which one to use for most of the story. In other words... I'm deciding to set my story in SF rather than LA simply because I'm more interested in visiting the former. I bet all the writers do it and then lie about it later. "Oh I simply had to place the story in Maui..."

On the Subject of Travel Partners:

I actually learned in London that I love traveling alone. I got up when I wanted, took as long as I wanted to plan my day, went exactly where I wanted to go, spent as little or as much time as I wanted at each place, spent as little or as much money as I wanted, took breaks when I was ready, pressed on through sore feet when I chose to... it was perfect. The one day I spent with Gilby going to Oxford was fun, but I missed a couple things I really wanted to see because I needed more time to figure out where they were, or I needed to double back when I realized my mistakes. But with someone waiting for me (I only bought the guide books once we got there) I felt too guilty to take all the time I needed etc. Gilby never ever complained, but... I couldn't help it. I worry too much about the other person having fun.

BUT... I doubt I would have stopped in at the Tolkien-CS Lewis pub and had a drink if I'd been alone. So I do have to thank him for that. :-) And we agreed that when you bring your friendship into a whole new country, it has reached a wholly new & exciting level. And I should add that while touring alone was fun, it was nice to have someone to watch Office episodes with at night. And it was like a high school sleepover when I would sit on the edge of the tub (clothed except for my poor sore feet, which I was soaking), and he would sit on the hallway floor, and we would have Heavy-Deep Conversation.

So if I travel with someone, I just need to carefully weigh out the Together Time versus the Alone Time.

...
...
...Now I'm feeling all sentimental, looking through my London scrapbook. Missing Gilby, and missing London. And missing travel. I hadn't traveled in a long time, and it painfully reminded me how much I love it. Unfortunately these things cost money-money-money, and I have chosen a low income life.

Clippings from the Powerpoint Scrapbook
(Clik on them if you want full powerpoint size!)

My trip to the East End to see where the Elephant Man lived.
This is Bedstead Square where he would walk around at night.

This is the exact building where he was put on display, when
Dr Treves first saw him. (It wasn't a saree shop at the time...)

The Oxford Route.

The Eagle and Child (or Bird and Baby) pub where
The Inklings met. It's no Chenoys but... it'll do.

Gilles is Gilby's other pseudonym.

"I had neither kith nor kin in England, and was therefore as free as air -- or as free as an income of eleven shillings and sixpence a day will permit a man to be. Under such circumstances, I naturally gravitated to London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained. "
(Dr Watson in A Study in Scarlet)

My Life: A Photo Montahj

I've been growing out my bangs... mostly because I've been too lazy to cut them. But maybe it's all the heavy metal I've been studying. Maybe I need to work on my devil horns too.

Fernando

Why are cats so cute when they sleep?
That spoon makes it look like he took a hit of heroine and passed out.

Haley just got up and moved down to the end of the bed
and fell asleep against Sherry's back.
She fronts like she's a hater, but truth will out.

boooks boooooooooks books books books

I just found out that, the way our current cashes work, if you buy a book that has a markdown sticker, you get your discount (employee discount, iRewards discount) on TOP of that markdown. I knew this was the case for certain promotions, but not for books that have been marked down because they're damaged or old product.

I went to cash with 7 books, expecting to pay around $14, and the total came to $5. This is bad, because it means my book addiction will get worse. We have a lovely little table where old bargain books are placed and given another markdown, on top of the already cheap price. Who hesitates when a book will only cost a couple dollars? Terrible, terrible.

Now... off to facebook to upload all my new books (under I Want to Read). Hee hee heeee! Stir the pot stir the pot.

In other news: My plotting is coming along so nicely, I'm getting really excited now. Wants to start writing!!

Fear me and my authorial powers

Today I found out there's a town in California called Cressy, which is, like, a beaut of a coincidence for my upcoming novel.

Coincidence? Or are my powers at plotting becoming so strong that the world is starting to conform to my desires? This is what I told Fernando as we waited at the bus stop, off to buy groceries.

At the grocery store, we were waiting in line. It was quiet (9 PM in an already sleepy store). We all seemed to be waiting for the cashier who'd disappeared.

I said to Fernando: "It was quiet in the grocery store that night. ...Too quiet. Where had Sally the Cashier gone? One minute she was there, and the next--no one could find her. And then... the lights went out! A shot rang in the dark! And a pirate ship loomed on the horizon."

About 30 seconds after I said this there was a power failure and the lights went out.

Sometimes I scare even myself.

Was it good for you?

Okay, I'm obsessed. This is rubbernecking at its worst, and I can't stop.

The reviews are coming in about the book we had a big launch for, at work--Breaking Dawn. While some fans loved it, many of the 4-5 star ratings on indigo and amazon say something like "Well, it's what I expected" (ooh such praise!) and then there's a wealth of people who are utterly disgusted with it. They think the characters changed, the writing is inferior to the rest of the series (which wasn't great to begin with), and there are too many kooky and creepy plot twists. There is a lot of disappointment out there (and a "return the book!" movement on amazon.)

This picture says it all:

Ouch!
Even though I've only read the first book of the story, I'm fascinated by the train wreck. I'd like to say that I'm fascinated because I'm jealously enjoying the downfall of a super-popular author (Stephenie Meyer is my age), but alas no.

Of course, I used to be envious of her. Who (at least in the pop-book world) wouldn't want a book so popular that bookstores hold exciting launch parties for it! But I feel bad for all the people who loved the series, and have been really let down. When the last Harry Potter book came out I was quite excited about it, and if it had turned out to be a total piece of crap I would have been SO disappointed and frustrated.

I've only had two experiences like this. (a) The last chapter of Power of One, which is ridiculously AWFUL. When I recommend the book to customers I warn them to consider the book over before they reach it. The entire book is about finding inner strength when terrible things are happening to you... and then the book ends with a physical showdown between the hero and his old bully tormentor. "Aww fuck this inner strength shit. Kapow!"

(b) After reading and loving Johnny Got His Gun, I read an unfinished book by the author called Night of the Aurochs. It was horrifying and revolting (basically written from the POV of a sociopathic Nazi--really, not a character I wanted to inhabit.) Maybe I would have handled it better if I read it in later years (I was maybe 16), but at the time it creeped me right out and I remember throwing it down the garbage chute of my apartment when I was done with it.

But at least it wasn't badly written. It sounds like (without having read it myself) Stephenie Meyer wrote Breaking Dawn in a damn hurry. Maybe her publisher was pressuring her? I don't know. People are describing it as bad fan fiction. Here are some random comments:

"My heart throbs and hurts for all of the talented and creative writers how can't get so much as a short story published; while this woman can go ahead and vomit onto a page of paper and instantly sell millions of copies."

"Is this seriously the real book or is the author pranking us?"

"I read the spoilers ahead of time and even though I found them highly amusing, a small part of me wanted them to be fake, even if I ended up with egg all over my face for it."

"Bella gets everything, which isn't necessarily bad but she gets everything in the most disturbing and inappropriate way."

"I honestly would have stopped reading this book except I was curious to see how much more bizarre it could get."

I strongly suspect this is going to become one of those books that people read out loud to each other for a good laugh. ...Hell, I want to read it for a good laugh! Maybe when it's out in Bargain for $9.99. (I remember the huge ado about Bridges of Madison County, and then the customer I met a couple years later who bought all of Waller's books so she and her buddies could have parties where they sat and read him out loud and laughed. Let's just say... you'd have trouble doing that with The English Patient, which was also a huge sensation.)

Anyway, I'm over my Stephenie Envy. If you're an author, and you can create a world that people want to live in, characters that people absolutely adore, a love story that people feel passionately about--that's incredibly special. You can't plan that, you can't teach that--you just have the right words at the right time (and if you're really talented/lucky, you might have the right words for all time, like a Tolkien.) And it's like she's taken this magic power and just wasted it! The Force is with her, and she's using it to feed pears to Padme.

Writing still requires craft. I mean, you still have to put some work into it. You can't just play emo music and picture romantic scenes in your head and get all swept away by the fantastico-ness of your own genius writing. I've written scenes before that I thought were terribly romantic, but when I read them back without the benefit of background music... I saw they needed work. ;-) Editing! It's called editing! And taking your time! And making sure your book is the best thing it can possibly be! For heaven's sake, your fans will wait longer than a year for your sequel, there's no need to rush. If they're going to slap down forty bucks for your book, it's your duty to make it as great as possible.

To be fair, Meyer was never a writer before Twilight, and she'll presumably get better in the future. Her first book did pour out of her in that listening-to-emo-music-magical-way so maybe she thinks writing every book should be like that. I've written maybe three stories in my life that came to me like that, but in general writing is work.

And I do feel sorry for her, because if she does care about her fans this much (she's admitted to pouring over the web boards) she must be a wee bit upset over the reactions pouring in.

I may never even published, and I may never have a book that more than 10 people (my family, my friends) read--but if I am published, dear Lord Above may I always remember the Lesson of Stephenie: Writing isn't masturbation. It's not about 20 sweaty orgasmic minutes at the keyboard, pouring out your unedited fantasies.

...Unless you're writing erotica.

...But probably not even then.

...Maybe if you're writing Letters to Penthouse.

*

"[My fans] count on me to be a fast writer, with a once-a-year release schedule, which, you know, isn't entirely fair. I mean, how long did they give J.K. Rowling? [Laughs] She gets a good couple of years between her books, and [Eragon author] Christopher Paolini gets two or three, too. But I know fans want [the new books], and you wanna give them what they want."

The Frivolities That Feed My Soul

ears ago a fellow manager at work, and I, discovered a book called The Gallery of Regrettable Food, which takes old 1950s cookbooks and mocks them. It is the best site for capturing the industrialization of food that happened during this period, and the outpouring of Branded Recipes which led to much culinary horror.

Cher and I wasted a good half hour in the office peeing ourselves over the photos and their descriptions. (None of the staff who wandered in and out during that time thought the book was as funny as we did... which is why Cher and I got along so well.)

The author has much of this Regrettable Food on a web site (along with a lot of other crazy stuff from the 1950s) and I like to visit it annually for a little laugh. Here are a few samples, along with Lileks' commentary.

*
FROM: "Meat Meat Meat!"

It's steak a la Ugarte! When decorating your meal, make sure to arrange the onions in the shape of Peter Lorre's face.

Garnish with small, inedible onions. WARNING! The carrots here are not to be eaten. Your manly meat-a-rifficness will diminish if you eat the carrots. Vegetables are for commies.


Moving too slow to be measured by the eye of man, the Great Meat Glacier pushed inexorably south.

There are many meals in the Gallery I've described in terms of inadvertant stomach evacuations, but this is perhaps the most vomitous dish I have ever seen. Just Rupe 'n' Heat!

What were they thinking? Didn't anyone remark how much this looks like a skillet full of spew? I'd suggest that this entire book was made by vegetarians, a sly piece of propaganda, but even the beans look awful.

That concludes the Better Homes Guide to Meat, and I think I speak for us all: Thank God.


*

FROM : 10 PM Cookery

To remind them they're men, make sure to embed a batch of wriggling, erect weiners in a sea of beans.

According to the illustration above, it was not unusual in the 50s for a party to include a friend who lacked a body. No one seems to notice, of course; why, it's Ten PM.




If you think it's an artful presentation, just remember, it's ten PM, and you've had a few.

*
From: "Jello Confronts the Depression"

As much as I dislike molds, particularly green ones, this example is exquisitely rendered, and one of the few pieces of actual art found anywhere in the Gallery. This is what happens in a Depression: men or women who might otherwise have had good careers in fine arts are reduced to turning out Jell-O illustrations, adding artistic flourishes where they can.


It has an almost Gauginesque quality.

*

From: "The Unbearable Sadness of Vegetables"

It wasn’t until much later, when they caught the First Lutheran Church standing over the body of another housewife over in Cass County, that they realized that the spire had been stalking and murdering women for years. This explained why so many women got that creepy feeling that someone was watching them - and when they turned around, they just saw a church. Later, they’d think: wait a minute. There’s no church in our side yard.

a sleepy ghostbuster

Picked up a head cold this week, but it's my weekend so no big deal. I stayed in bed reading comics, then napped, then made some food (chick pea salad, eggplant Parmesan, and zucchini bread), and spent the rest of the evening palooking around on the internet while Fernando simultaneously watched Ghostbusters, Serenity, and Stargate.

The one nice thing about head colds is I don't get headaches at the same time. Maybe my mouth hangs open all night and I don't clench my teeth--who knows.

Anyway... time to roll off to bed. Must...get...off...couch.... Must...resist...checking...new iTunes releases...go...to...bed...fool...!